


Sleep Well, My Angel

by Janie94



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Because They Are Not Footballers, Break Up, Established Müllendowski, Established Relationship, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Getting Back Together, M/M, Married Couple, Songfic, au i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 17:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14525448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janie94/pseuds/Janie94
Summary: When Thomas wakes up in bed beside Robert, he remembers important incidences that led to this very moment.





	Sleep Well, My Angel

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story while listening to the song 'Sleep Well, My Angel' by We Are The Fallen on loop and definitely recommend you to do the same, this amazing song goes beautifully with the story.
> 
> Here's the link:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dYhU6mGkj4

 

**Sleep Well, My Angel**

 

 

Thomas awoke to the sound of birds chirping outside and the warm morning sun tickling his skin. He felt disorientated for a moment, his mind still spinning from the nightmare he had just had. His back was aching a bit, not used to the hard mattress of this bed that was not his own and his eyes drifted to the man lying right beside him. A part of him was surprised that he had been allowed to stay the night, sleeping undisturbed beside Robert.

A surge of deep love and affection filled Thomas as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and regarded Robert more closely. The older one looked so peaceful in his sleep, the lines of worry smoothed out for once. Not for the first time in their four year long relationship Thomas was hit by the realization that Robert was painfully handsome. He could still remember how jealous he had been at first when so many men and women - including some of his close friends like Thiago and Mats – had been hitting on the Pole, succeeding in making Thomas livid. Now Thomas could only smile at his fear that Robert might choose anybody over him, knowing that it had been unfounded. Ever since their first kiss Robert had never looked at anyone else than Thomas…

_“I had a very nice evening,” Thomas responded softly as Robert’s car stopped in front of his own house. It was some time around midnight, therefore the street was empty and abandoned, only the near streetlight illuminating the younger one’s house._

_Robert smiled brightly. “I think so too. We should repeat that soon.”_

_“Definitely,” Thomas responded, his eyes dropping to the curve of Robert’s lips. He was overcome with the urge to kiss them, but he had promised to himself that he would go slow and not rush things. This was the first man in a long time that aroused such deep feelings in Thomas and he wanted this to last. He could not afford to mess things up. And yet Thomas couldn’t leave yet._

_Robert’s eyes darkened and he whispered, “I’d very much like for you to kiss me now, Thomas Müller.”_

_Thomas shivered, briefly wondering if the Pole had always sounded this alluring but of course he had no choice but to obey. No sane person would pass on the opportunity to kiss Robert Lewandowski!  
Slowly he leaned in, searching Robert’s eyes for doubt or mockery but there was nothing but longing and desire in those cerulean eyes. Then their lips finally met for their first, shy kiss. It was merely an innocent press of lips against lips but to Thomas it was perfect nevertheless. Robert’s lips were softer than he had imagined and Thomas strained against his seat belt to chase after them, his hand finding its way to the back of the older one’s neck to hold him in place. Neither of them tried to deepen the kiss but when they finally pulled away and looked at each other, they were both looking at each other with wide eyes, knowing already that this kiss would have a lasting impact and change their relationship forever._

_After a long moment Thomas was finally able to form words. “I don’t want you to leave.”_

_“I’m only a ten minutes’ drive away.” Robert reminded him but his gaze softened at Thomas’s admission. “And I promise to greet you with a kiss tomorrow after work, how does that sound?”_

_A pleased smile spread on Thomas’ face and he could not remember that such a simple statement had ever made him feel this happy before. “Perfect.”_

_They kissed again before Thomas finally found the strength to exit the car, the thought of seeing Robert tomorrow again still making him smile when he eventually laid down to sleep._

The memory made Thomas smile fondly. A lot had happened in the four years that had passed since then, good things and bad things alike. He and Robert had grown stronger together, every fight and the following making up tying them closer together. Since that first kiss Thomas had never been able to imagine being with someone other than Robert but it had taken him almost two years to finally ask Robert if he was feeling the same way.

 

_“Robert Lewandowski,” Thomas announced and his heart was beating so fast that he was surprised that his voice was not shaking. He watched his boyfriend’s eyes widen as Thomas dropped down onto one knee in front of him, the tie around his neck suddenly feeling too tight to breathe. His hands were sweaty from anxiousness as he gripped Robert ‘s left hand, entwining their fingers as though Robert would pull it back as soon as Thomas had asked his obvious question out loud. With his free hand he reached into the pocket of his jacket, offering the simple golden ring that had their names and the infinity symbol engraved at the inside. “You have been with me for my highs and lows, you made me smile and you made me cry.” He swallowed, feeling like his heart would rip out his chest any moment. “I can no longer imagine a life without you, Robert. That’s why I’m asking you now…” Breathe, Thomas, he is going to say yes. Just breathe. “Will you marry me?”_

_Robert stared down at him with visible shock and for an awful, long second Thomas feared he might reject him. But then the expression in them melted away, filled with warmth and love as Robert grasped his hand tighter, pulling Thomas up. “I would love to. Now kiss me before I burst out into tears.”_

_And Thomas was happy to oblige, crushing their lips together in a heated kiss, the ring in his hand momentarily forgotten…_

Thomas’s gaze shifted to the ring on Robert’s right hand and he raised his own hand towards it, regarding the two identical rings. He could almost imagine the invisible thread tying the two rings together into the infinity symbol.

It had been a promise for their lifetimes.

 

_Robert had been awfully quiet for several weeks before, but Thomas had not thought too much of it. Now though he stared back at his husband with wide eyes, wondering if he had understood him right. “You’re leaving me?”_

_Robert’s eyes were filled with regret but there was something else in them, something that Thomas could not quite identify but realized that Robert was trying not to let him see. “It’s for the best. I’m sorry, Thomas.”_

_“No,” Thomas argued and shook his head, his heart denying what his lover was saying. “No, you don’t get to apologize and just walk away. You married me, you promised me that you would be at my side until I died!”_

_Raw pain entered Robert’s eyes. “I know. And I’m sorry that I can’t keep this promise I made you. I wish that things were different.”_

_Thomas’ mind was spinning as he tried to shove away the finality of Robert’s words. “Let’s talk about this, Robert, please! Was it something I said, something I did? Did you feel neglected?”_

_Robert shook his head, his eyes brimming with tears. “No, of course not, please don’t ever think that. It has nothing to do with you, it’s me whose feelings have changed.”_

_Thomas stilled as another suspicion rose to the surface of his mind, enclosing his heart in its cold claw. “Is there somebody else?”_

_Robert looked away then, biting his trembling bottom lip in an effort to keep back his tears. “I never cheated on you if that is what you’re asking. But I have realized over time that I don’t feel for you the way you deserve.”_

_“And what do you think I deserve?” Thomas retorted with growing anger. “Because I can tell you that up to now I have been happy with the way things were. You don’t get to tell me what I deserve, Robert, not when all I want is you!”_

_Robert met his gaze again, the expression in his eyes now pleading. “Please don’t make this harder than it already is! Do you think I want to let you go?”_

_“What am I supposed to think when you give me no reason?” Thomas shouted, the anger in his voice making Robert flinch._

_“I don’t want to hurt you, okay?” the Pole shot back a moment later._

_“I don’t care what you want or don’t want!” Thomas replied and now there were tears streaming down his face as well, his heart burning with anger and disappointment. “Hurt me all you can, but I deserve a fucking reason!”_

_Robert’s eyes went cold; anger, sadness and regret vanishing in the blink of an eye. “You want a reason? Fine! Because over the past few months I had enough time to realize that I was wrong. I can’t imagine living a life with you!” The words burned like acid and Thomas stared back at Robert with shock again, unable to form a reply. He had never seen such a detached, stoic expression on Robert’s face, not when they were talking about their relationship. “I can’t imagine waking up beside you when we are grey and old. I can’t imagine hearing you talk about your horses for the next forty years. I can’t imagine raising a child with you, I don’t even want to have children. This family life, it was a dream, Thomas. Your dream but not mine.”_

_Numbness spread through Thomas’s body like a disease. “So this is it? You just leave me?”_

_“It’s better this way,” Robert repeated quietly._

_“No, it’s easier for you. Easier than talking to me and working things out together. But if you think our relationship is not even worth fighting for, then you are right, there is no use in trying to hold on to something that is already broken. I deserve better indeed.” He turned around and stormed out of their apartment, not wanting his soon-to-be ex-husband to see him crying over what they had lost…_

The memory still hurt even though things had changed between them yet again by now. Six months had passed since their painful break-up, but Thomas had been unable to move on. Even though Robert had tried to avoid all contact with him, Thomas had still been hoping that they could work things out. He had been wondering all this time why Robert had never said anything before their fight, why he had agreed to marry Thomas if this was not what he wanted.

With Robert refusing to talk to him, Thomas had never been able to get an answer to this burning question, not until the fateful day their close friend Mats had apparently appeared on Robert’s doorstep, telling him in rather blunt words that he was a stupid idiot for lying to Thomas and that the latter deserved to know the truth.

The day after Robert had invited Thomas over and they had talked for several hours and a Thomas who had been convinced he would walk home with the first draft of their divorce papers in his hands had lain down on the bed beside his husband, seeing their relationship rekindled. Sort of.

It had been such an unexpected turn of events that Thomas had fallen asleep with tears streaming down his face, glad to be able to hold Robert again after so many months that they had been apart.

Thomas smiled as he saw the rising sun that had reached Robert’s pale face, shining its golden light on the man he had loved for so many years and gotten back now. Thomas had spent every single night with Robert since their heart-to-heart conversation even though it was tricky managing it with his work schedule, but the thought of waking up in his own bed all alone again terrified him because it would make him wonder if Robert was gone for good this time.

Thomas carded his hand through Robert’s hair as he remembered the conversation that had brought them back together.

 

_“I never wanted to hurt you,” Robert declared in a grave voice. “But I needed to be the one to walk away for your sake. It broke my heart to do this to you but it was better than the alternative.”_

_Thomas who had sat down on the couch was still busy digesting the news. “You should not have made such a decision on your own. It shouldn’t have taken Mats’s help for me to find out the truth. I deserved to know!”_

_Robert kneeled down in front of him and inevitably Thomas to wonder if he had always been this pale. Was it just his imagination or had Robert also become skinnier?_

_“I know and words cannot express how sorry I am. I was just trying to protect you.”_

_Now that he knew the truth Thomas was finally able to accept that as a valid argument. “When did you find out?”_

_“Two months before our break-up,” was Robert’s calm reply._

_Thomas acquiesced that with a nod before he asked the most important question. “And how long…?”_

_“It’s hard to tell,” Robert admitted in a much too collected voice. “Tomorrow, next month, next year – it could happen anytime.”_

‘Anytime’ had turned out to be eight months later.

“Thomas?” a familiar voice asked from the threshold and Thomas looked up to see Mats entering the room. His gaze was unbelievably soft. “It’s time now.”

“Yeah, just one more minute,” Thomas replied quietly, unwittingly keeping his voice down because of Robert’s sleeping form in his arms.

Mats left again and Thomas turned back to his husband with a sad smile. “You promised to wait for me, remember?”

 

_“I’ll be waiting for you up there,” Robert promised him as he held Thomas who was sobbing into his shoulder. “Just take your time, I don’t want to see you up there for the next fifty years at least, you got me?”_

_Thomas pushed at this shoulder. “Stop making jokes about this!”_

_“Sorry,” Robert mumbled and he hesitated before adding. “Can I ask something of you?”_

_“No,” Thomas replied as he pressed his eyes more tightly together, unwilling g to listen any longer. He just wanted to wake up from this nightmare._

_Robert ignored him though. “If you ever have a boy, will you name him Robert? As a second name will do just fine, I simply like the thought that a part of me would always be with you, even if it is just my name.”_

_Thomas’s whole body was shaking with his sobs by now, a part of his mind screaming at him to finally wake up. But he never did. He forced himself to think beyond his pain, focusing on what would probably be Robert’s last wish. “Of course I will. But even without that, your memory will always stay with me.”_

“Stay with me,” Thomas begged for one last time, desperately hoping for a miracle to happen and for Robert’s eyes to snap open, to see those beautiful blue eyes that he had fallen in love with meet his own for one final time. But these eyes had remained closed for the past six months now.

Thomas buried his face against Robert’s neck, trying to stifle his crying but to no avail. Once again his tears were falling freely now despite the many months that Thomas had convinced himself he would be ready for this very moment. "Why did you have to leave me?”

There was no response and he would probably never get one. He continued to cry into the older one’s shoulder until there were hands softly grabbing him by his shoulders and pulling him away from the man he loved.

Mats’s face was grief-stricken and full of sympathy. “I know it’s not fair. But you need to let him go. You promised him to.”

Thomas took a long moment to compose himself before looking up the two persons who were patiently waiting at the foot of the bed. One was a male doctor in his late thirties, the other a nurse in her mid-twenties. She held out her clip-board to him, pointing her pen to the dotted line on the paper. “As the patient’s husband, I need your signature again.”

Thomas nodded and he wiped the tears from his cheek, grateful when the doctor wordlessly offered him a pack of tissues. Then he finally took the pen into his hand, hesitating for a second. They had talked about this and Robert had explicitly stated that he wanted Thomas to do this but it still felt like he was the one throwing Robert’s living, breathing body down the abyss.

Mats seemed to sense his thoughts. “He is already gone, Thomas. These machines are all that keeps him alive. You heard the doctors, there is no hope of curing brain tumour in the final stages.” His voice softened when he added. “Robert will never be able to come back. And you need to let him go, for both your sakes.”

Thomas knew that he was right and yet it felt like a part of him was dying the moment he signed the paper. The nurse squeezed his arm in sympathy before she stepped back, allowing her colleague to approach the bed. He was saying something but Thomas was unable to focus on him, the tears burning his eyes as he stared at his husband.

“You promised,” Thomas croaked out, hoping desperately that Robert could hear him. “You promised to wait for me up there. And you’d better be greeting me when I’m knocking on Heaven’s door.”

It would be the last thing Thomas Lewandowski ever said to the love of his life for a very long time…

**Author's Note:**

> I hope nobody is angry with me for the last sentence, but I liked the sound of Thomas Lewandowski much more than Robert Müller.  
> I'm sure this is definitely s your major complaint with this story, isn't it? *hides behind her laptop*


End file.
